Hello all, I wanted to address some of the major occurrences in my life as of late, particularly regarding my future! Some of you may know since I have been sharing the news via photos, but I’ll fill you all in so everyone is on the same page.
2016 is the year that my little family and I have been faced with some serious decisions. A PCS move, which we were totally unsure about until a few weeks ago. And whether or not I was going to get into a Didactics program. The tricky thing is that I had no clue where we were moving, so I didn’t know where to apply for school! However, California applications need to be submitted a full year ahead of time, so I took care of those immediately banking on the chance that my family would stay within California’s borders for a while longer. Well guess what? Things didn’t go according to plan. Do they ever? I got into the schools I applied to, but not the program. Tricky. Anyway, that’s my current situation.
I always feel the need to preface this, but I’ll state it again. I know I don’t have the worst life, not even a bad one. Just a complicated one, like so many of you.
So, I have two choices: make the move out of state with the love of my life and our two pups in our beautiful house that we just purchased OR go to school to get a degree in a something I hadn’t really planned on. I had all but made up my mind until UC Davis came in and made me think twice.
It’s an unfair scenario. Why on Earth can’t I just have it all? Ever since I can remember, I have been faced with challenges. Now, excuse me for getting very personal. Before I begin, I apologize to anybody who might take offense or discomfort to what I’m going to reveal, but this is my life, and as usual, I feel the need to share.
I love my parents to bits and pieces and I wholeheartedly appreciate everything they’ve done for me. I’m sure it hurts them just as much as it hurt me and my brothers to go through all we did. In elementary school, I was physically abused by my mother who suffers from a mental illness. It got so bad that the State got involved and we had mandatory weekly meetings with the counselor.
In junior high, I found a group of friends to rely on. Things at my house were continuously crazy, but I had my friends to lean on and somehow made it out alive.
In high school, shit hit the fan. I had thrived in middle school, so I was placed in IB courses, more rigorous than AP, but my home life made high school barely doable. My mom and dad had both started new relationships, but continued to live in the same house. It was weird. Then all of a sudden I didn’t really have a stable home. I couldn’t keep up with my studies because I had assignments and textbooks divided among all the houses.
I remember very very vividly a police officer telling me and my brothers as we stood in the banister of the stairs that she could not believe that we hadn’t turned out like she thought we would. Let me say that interacting with San Bernardino PD were some of the most normal adult interactions for me. I can recall numerous times running into them and chatting about how things were at home. I even had their personal phone numbers stored in my retro Nokia brick, I mean phone (haha!) My friends always looked at me strange for this.
I remember being called despicable names by people in my life that I couldn’t get away from because they lived in the same house.
I remember being told by one of my IB teachers that I simply wasn’t cut out for academics. She asked me why I was even there. In fact, as far as my teachers were concerned, I was a nobody. I was a below C average student. When I entered my senior year as a junior I had to take 7 classes just so I could graduate on time.
My now mother in law told me she wasn’t sure if I was good enough to date her son. She actually said it much nicer than that! But that’s the overall point.
After high school, I was told by friends that I would be the one most likely to get pregnant and have 3 kids by the time I was 21.
After a while, I started to believe all of the things people kept saying to me.
I decided not to attend college straight out of high school. Instead, two weeks later, I moved across the United States knowing only one soul, the love of my life, who was only physically present 6 months of the year.
And then things changed. People I didn’t know that well were asking me things like, “Why are you working here? You’re way too smart for a job like this.” or “I don’t know if I could move that far from home without knowing anyone and being alone all the time. You’re so strong.”
I slowly started to believe in myself.
I moved back to California and within my first semester I earned a 4.0 and was placed on the Dean’s List. My second semester I earned a cool thousand bucks for a scholarship and was awarded the President’s Award.
Whether or not I decide to attend UC Davis in pursuit of a degree that isn’t in line with a goal I set for myself, I want you all to know that you have to do what’s best for you. And if there are people in your life trying to tell you how it’ll all turn out or what they think of you, be still and have a kind heart anyway.
I know I have a lot to meditate on, but I know I’m meant for big things. There’s no rule that says I need a degree from a fancy school to achieve what I’m striving for, but it sure couldn’t hurt 😉
I have a dream of owning my own business one day and being a real life #girlboss
I’m figuring out how to manifest this dream utilizing my natural talent and passion for writing. My Dad always told me I have the gift of gab and I hold that very dear to my heart.
So Professors, does this count as extra credit?