“Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do.”
Sometimes words can hit you like bullets. You’d think by now I would have learned to build thicker walls. I’ve spent years working on myself, improving both my inner and outer attributes. I have gained tremendous confidence, yet all of that is torn down by someone else’s negativity or comments/remarks. I only seem to be exposed by these comments after I post a progress picture. It never fails, really. It is so crazy to me that I am so affected by it because I thought I learned to be stronger, to let the words bounce off me and leave me unaffected. In some cases I am, but I still have insecurities.
I don’t want people to get the wrong idea of me. When I post a progress picture, it’s to show my friends and family who are struggling with something that I struggled with ALL MY LIFE that it’s possible to overcome anything. I want them to know that they have a resource in me, they know someone who has been exactly where they are. I don’t post these pictures to brag or show off or for any other superficial reason. If you think that’s why I do it, then you have no idea who I am. You don’t know me at all. I am not that kind of person. How could I be? Most of my life I was insecure, unsure of myself, and had little self-esteem, even though I knew I was a good person.
It may be difficult for some of you to understand that I am nowhere near conceited or full of myself. There is a huge difference between being proud and being conceited. The reality is, the people that make negative or condescending remarks about my appearance weren’t there. They didn’t witness the struggle behind the photos. They didn’t see what really happened behind the scenes. The only person who was there day in and day out to witness my journey was my husband. He was the only one to see my pain.
The old Alicia was SICK and unhealthy, so I had to make a change. I didn’t do it to be “hot.” For once in my life I feel healthy. I feel good in my own skin. I am proud to be me. For once in my life, I am happy with myself as a whole and not just for what is on the inside. It breaks my heart when people say things to me that they know will hurt me, like commenting on how small my boobs got, or saying that you’re glad I lost weight because I was hefty, or that I am so self-absorbed now. Those things are not only hurtful but completely unnecessary.
Regardless of what other people say or do to bring me down, I won’t stop. You can’t bring me down. You may get to me for a moment, but guess what? I’m a strong-willed, determined woman. That’s something you can never take from me. You may take away a moment of happiness from me, but ultimately, I’ll get over it. In exchange, I do learn about the kind of person he/she really is, so there’s the upside.
If there is one thing that fitness has taught me it’s that if you are uncomfortable doing something, keep doing it. It’ll suck less, eventually. So no matter how many negative comments/remarks are said to me or about me, I’m going to continue to share my progress.
I’m here to stay.
So, here it is one more time.